This article is based on Nick Gray’s book ‘The 2-Hour Cocktail Party’ and the chat I had with him on my Marketplace Discussions podcast.

You can tune in to our conversation at the following links:

1) Audio (available across several podcasting platforms including Spotify, Google, & Apple),

2) YouTube.

Stepping Out of My Comfort Zone

A few months ago, I decided to challenge myself and step out of my comfort zone by trying new things that I would otherwise prefer not to, much like Bartleby. This culminated in a fun cocktail party hosted at my place. I only knew half of the 21 attendees, while the rest were friends of friends.

The party lasted just over two hours. It had name tags, some snacks, drinks, a harmonica, and a book. The book, titled The 2-Hour Cocktail Party: How to Build Big Relationships with Small Gatherings by Nick Gray, served as my guide for organizing and hosting the event. The results were amazing and surpassed my expectations.

The guests had fun. In addition to meeting new people, I managed to overcome my discomfort. Read on to learn more about the story of how I came across Nick’s work, how I finally decided to host my first cocktail party ever, and why you might want to host a 2-hour cocktail party too.

I often hear the saying that we are the stories we tell ourselves. Perhaps that's why I've experienced an inner struggle, a dichotomy, over the past decade. During these ten years, I spent seven as a university professor teaching philosophy and participating in numerous conferences across several countries in North America and Europe. In other words, due to my job, I continuously met new people, attended networking events, and delivered talks and lectures at conferences and in my classes.

For the past three years, I’ve been teaching philosophy online. In both cases, whether face-to-face or virtually I do not find it difficult to connect with the students, break the ice, get them to participate, and contribute to the ongoing discussions. Similarly, presenting at conferences poses no challenges for me; in fact, I enjoy it. However, I've always found it difficult to initiate conversations and connect with unfamiliar individuals.

When I'm ‘on stage’, my goal is to entertain people and make philosophy relatable to them. But offstage, for one reason or another, it's difficult for me to break the ice.

My continuous concern revolves around finding ways to make philosophy more enjoyable for people. For instance, in 2022, I undertook a cultural-philosophical heritage project aimed at enhancing the experience of visiting the Spanish philosopher Miguel de Unamuno House-Museum. The goal was to make it more captivating, thereby attracting a larger number of visitors and popularizing Unamuno's philosophical works.

Museum Tours & Cocktail Parties

During my research, I came across a TEDx talk by Nick Gray titled How I Learned to Stop Hating Museums. In this talk, Nick shares the story of how he went on from hating museums to founding Museum Hack (which he eventually sold for a multi-million dollar deal), a company that offers renegade museum tours. According to Nick, the key elements of these tours are knowledgeable and entertaining guides, games, and intriguing anecdotes.

This is what sets Museum Hack apart from other tour agencies. The aim is not to overwhelm customers with encyclopedic knowledge, but to provide them with an enjoyable experience where they can learn about the museum, including stories and gossip, while engaging with the artwork and objects on display, participating in games, and meeting new people.

Nick's story proved immensely helpful for my project. I also appreciated his approach. It aligns with the methods I've been implementing in my philosophy courses since I began teaching. I enjoy incorporating anecdotes and some gossip about the philosophers I discuss, making the content tangible, and fostering a space for discussion where all participants can contribute.

But I digress.

After watching the talk, I decided to follow Nick on Twitter. A couple of months later, he announced the publication of his first book, “The 2-Hour Cocktail Party,” which offers guidance on organizing enjoyable parties to meet new people and make friends.

I was intrigued! This might address the difficulty I find transferring my social skills as a teacher to my personal life. I immediately purchased a copy of the ebook and read it.

The book is engaging and easy to read. Nick discusses the difficulties many adults encounter in making friends as they grow older. He particularly highlights the challenges introverts face in meeting new people, even when they enroll in courses, join clubs, or attend social gatherings and cocktail parties.

Water Monday, A Fork in the Road, & a Book to Break the Ice

The way parties are typically organized makes it even more challenging for those who aren't extroverted or feel uncomfortable approaching people out of the blue and saying hi, just like me. I can personally relate to this. Allow me to share a recent experience as an example.

The city of Salamanca maintains a long-standing tradition called Water Monday, which has its roots in the 16th century. Every Monday after Easter, Salamantinos gather at the Tormes River for a picnic to celebrate this beloved occasion.

Originally, during the reign of Philip II, prostitutes were temporarily relocated to the other side of the river during Lent and could only return on the Monday after Easter, now known as Water Monday. Students would eagerly participate in this celebration, welcoming back the prostitutes.

Water Monday has evolved into a cherished Salamanca tradition, where families and friends come together for a delightful picnic.

This year, on Monday, April 23, 2023, a friend invited me to join the picnic he was organizing. Upon arrival, I realized that out of the twenty-plus attendees, I only knew a few. I greeted those I recognized, grabbed a drink, and found myself lost in thought. There were a few casual conversations here and there, but not much beyond that. The rest of the group had already formed cliques and were engaged in conversation. They were discussing their work, a recent hiking trip, and what happened at the gym. I felt out of place.

After thirty minutes, I felt the need to take action. My usual approach would be to stick with the people I know, chill, and eventually head home.

But this time I wanted to step out of my comfort zone. So I looked up an image of Nick’s book cover, approached one of the few people I knew, Jorge, and shared my desire to organize a party at my place to try out Nick Gray’s formula. I explained that I needed a minimum of 15 people to attend, ideally with some individuals who didn't already know each other.

He said he was in and called another friend, who called another friend, and before I knew it I was conversing with everyone about the book and making party arrangements. I consulted with those who seemed interested to determine a convenient date and we promptly settled: Friday, May 5 at 9:30 pm.

The book itself served as an excellent conversation starter at a party where I virtually knew no one!

It’s Happening! RSVPs, Invitations, Reminder Emails, Name Tags, & a Harmonica

Organizing and preparing for the party involves creating an event RSVP page ( I utilized Mixily), and initially inviting your core group to ensure a minimum of 5 positive responses before extending invitations to others.

Contrary to my expectations, many loved the idea. It turns out that many face the same challenge: meeting new people. The cocktail party effectively addressed this issue. Friends invited their acquaintances, resulting in 21 affirmative responses. Following Nick's advice, I sent three reminder emails, the last of which included guest bios. All those who said yes showed up. ON TIME.

The party itself was extremely fun. My skepticism about hosting a structured event gradually dissipated as the date approached. In hindsight, structure was what made the party easy to organize, and enjoyable to attend. Everyone knew what they signed up for and what to expect.

The name tags made it easy for people to remember each other’s names.

The harmonica served as a great instrument to grab everyone’s attention in a pleasant manner, without having to shout.

The specified start and end times provided a clear indication that the majority would arrive on time and ensured that the party wouldn't drag on. Ending the event on a high note has never been simpler!

Sharing a list of attending guests' bios offered insight into the party's attendees and heightened everyone's excitement about the gathering.

The ice-breakers served as an excellent means to acquaint oneself with others and provided a framework for engaging conversations based on shared interests.

Ice, Ice… Breaker

My favorite aspect of the party was the icebreakers, which consisted of two rounds. The first one was shortly after everyone arrived. We formed a circle, and each person had to answer three questions:

What is your name?
What do you do for work OR what is something you’re really passionate about?
What’s your favorite breakfast?

An hour and fifteen minutes into the party, we proceeded with the second round of icebreakers. Guests were expected to answer the following question: “What is a piece of media you recently consumed that you found interesting, and why? This could be a movie, series, article, or podcast.” I had informed them of the question in advance to allow for some time to think and prepare their answers.

This round was particularly remarkable. People shared their genuine interests, concerns, ideas, and topics they were passionate about. It created an intimate atmosphere where everyone felt comfortable sharing something they enjoyed. It was a delightful experience, and we continued mingling and getting to know each other a little better.

By 11:30 pm, we wrapped up the party. I thanked everyone, indicating that it was time to start heading out, but that we could head to a nearby bar if they wished to continue partying.

The idea sparked excitement among everyone, and we concluded the party on a high note. The guests even assisted me with cleaning up. We continued partying at a nearby pub until 4 am, meeting new people, having a great time, and thoroughly enjoying our time.

Long story short, if you're seeking something new and exciting, choose a date, organize, and host your own 2-hour cocktail party. It's an enjoyable experience!

Some Final Thoughts: TL;DR

I highly recommend hosting a party. It's fun and doesn't require a significant investment.
The book itself can be an excellent icebreaker. I used it as a pretext to start conversations, which eventually led to inviting people to the party.
Don't forget to check out Nick's TEDx talk about Museum Hack. It's worth watching.
When are you hosting your own cocktail party? Send me an invitation!

Tune in to the episode at the following links:

Audio

YouTube

More resources on how to host a party

You can find me on Twitter @decafquest.
Personal website.
Philosophy for professionals, online workshop.
Find Nick Gray on Twitter @nickgraynews.

Originally published at https://decafquest.substack.com

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